


nobody said it was easy

by Moonzari



Series: Bellow Summer Bash 2020 [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: A lot of feels, Angst, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Pre-Canon, Yellow has a helmet headcanon, bellow summer bash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonzari/pseuds/Moonzari
Summary: Two and a half thousand years isn’t enough time to grieve.For day six of the Bellow Summer Bash: touch/comfort/flirting.
Relationships: Blue Diamond/Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe)
Series: Bellow Summer Bash 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792549
Kudos: 17





	nobody said it was easy

She’s tearing up again.

Yellow never understands why this happens. Why her thoughts wander in between the reports from Peridots and Rubies to the past and she finds her eyes welling with tears. It’s easy to blame her momentary weakness on Blue— when they’re in the same room. when she’s like this, misty-eyed in front of her holoscreens, that’s all her. And she  _hates_ it.

A gloved hand dabs angrily at one of her eyes, and if her Pearl notices she doesn’t dare say anything. She tried— once.

_“Are you all right, My Diamond?”  
“Mind your business and do not ask me again.”_

Yellow is way beyond stressed at this point. Pink was shattered over two and a half millennia ago but still Blue grieves to the point that no work is getting done on her end. White had gone into seclusion. For a Gem who pushes everyone away… she feels incredibly alone. Like the weight of the Authority rests on her shoulders. And she has no one to talk to.

It all becomes too much today, the beeping from the holoscreens signaling incoming reports grating on her nerves. Yellow abruptly stands, startling her Pearl as all the screens close with a wave of her hand. “Pilot us back to Homeworld,” she says, the heels of her boots clicking across the floor as she leaves the room without waiting for the response from her Pearl.

All she can seemingly think about is Pink today, and she wishes she knew where Blue was because she knows they need each other to cope. Moments like these really drew her closer to the pain that her fellow Diamond must be feeling. She hates being emotionally unavailable but thinks it for the best. It _has_ to be for the best. White Diamond has a standard for her, after all. She’s got to uphold it.

Setting foot back on Homeworld, she doesn’t expect to see Blue’s ship docked in the bay. But it’s there: the twin to her own. She huffs at the leap her non-existent heart does but still, she instructs her Pearl to “not disturb her”. She salutes and scurries off, and Yellow tries to decide where in the Palace Blue would be.

It’s not a hard deduction.

Pink’s room serves as an altar to the shattered Diamond: it’s like time stands still in this space. Yellow avoids it on her own— it’s too somber a reminder of her _failure_ and the crushing weight of her own pain and the echo of thoughts make it unbearable.

 _I could have done more… I could have_ saved _her…_

But as she surmises, Blue is here, knelt in a heap of robes. Her hands are clasped together and pressed to her forehead, as if in prayer. Her sadness coats the atmosphere— thick and stifling, and she almost regrets coming. But Yellow needs this; knows that if she turns and walks away now that she will regret it later.

“Do not let anyone disturb us,” Yellow directs Blue’s Pearl, who is stationed outside the door. She silently salutes before the heavy door is latched shut.

For a long while, there is no sound in the chamber. Blue doesn’t acknowledge her presence, and she’s about to say something when she finally speaks. “Did you come to chastise me again, Yellow?”

Yellow winces at how tired and raspy her voice sounds. “Not today,” she mutters.

Blue drops her hands, the aura coating the room lessening if only slight. Questioning, morose eyes of blue seek out sympathetic ones of gold. “I was… thinking about her,” Yellow admits. “I couldn’t concentrate.”

Even more of the aura lifts, and Blue blinks when she sees the glistening of tears in her companion’s eyes. There’s a gentle smile on her features, and she wraps her arms around her.

 _It only took you two and a half millennia_.

She dare not speak it aloud. The reminder of the shouting match they got into on the night Pink was shattered was memory enough. Blue had been upset that Yellow hadn’t cried over the Gem that the two of them had loved and cared for… she knew Yellow wasn’t heartless, but _stars_ could she be stubborn.

Even now, she refuses to cry openly. Tears line her eyes, spill onto her cheeks, but she doesn’t sob: doesn’t dare break down any further than that. But Blue does feel Yellow’s weight sinking into her the longer they sit there, long after they have fallen silent and all that can be heard is the grinding of gears off in the distance.

Blue weighs her words for a few moments more, her fingers of one hand coming up to trace the lip of her helmet. She hesitates but finally pulls it off. It isn’t as if she hasn’t seen her like this before— it doesn’t make her look any less powerful or beautiful. Fingertips drag through her thick, short hair and Yellow groans, something akin to a purr. She feels more at ease now, more willing to let herself just bask in her partner’s presence for a moment longer.

They both know they need this, that they need _each other_ , and that this doesn’t seem to be getting easier. For either of them. Yellow is afraid to feel and Blue feels extravagantly. There is no between, no meeting in the middle. And in the rare moments they do, it feels fragile. Like it can fall back apart at any moment. And it in fact does, usually with them growing farther and farther apart.

“Stay with me? At least until the sun rises,” Blue murmurs into Yellow’s ear and the longest stretch of time has to be the moment of silence as the Gem General decides to relent.

A chuckle leaves her lips as she nods. “I suppose I can afford the time off.” Her lips are fluttering over Blue’s elegant neck, and she pushes her away.

“Not here, darling,” she reminds. Blue knows that when the sun rises, Yellow will be gone, and all her warmth along with it. But she doesn’t have to wallow in her grief for a night and she’ll take it.

They leave Pink’s chambers behind, a solemn reminder that this tragedy affects them both more than either of them knows, and the rest of the night is spent making sure only passion mars their incandescent flesh instead of unseen wounds clawing deeper into non-existent hearts.

**Author's Note:**

> Special shoutout to the Bellow Discord server for listening to me hem and haw over stupid shit. You’re the real MVPs.


End file.
